Now that the school system is to take over daycare as "early education", the word “pre-school” will no longer be appropriate. There is only “school”, which will henceforth begin at birth and be managed by educators in the interests of guaranteeing appropriate attitudes among children.
There will be
economic benefits as a result of mothers being freed from motherhood. They will
be slotted instead into the employment economy, which studies show might raise
the nation’s GDP.
Once parents have enrolled their newborns promptly into all-day child-care, they will receive a Universal School Passport which will allow families to participate in society. This Passport will be essential for travel and access to community programs.
Because some
parents may exhibit hesitancy about Schooling-From-Birth, the Passport will be
introduced in stages. There have already been some resistant remarks, such as “When are the play-at-home hours? When is the getting-to-know-your-own-family time? And the unstructured non-digital play time? And private day-dreaming-in-your-own bedroom time?”
Childcare experts feel that such attitudes are inappropriate for successful socialization of future citizens. In school, kids find shoal-mates, like fish schooling in a shallow shoal of a bay as they swim and turn as one unit. Any anti-social tendencies toward individual movement will be similarly eliminated from human students, which will ready them for equity and inclusion.
Students will not be graded on specific skills, since measuring skills and knowledge is bullying. We know that Math is racist, and Grammar elitist. In the future workplace, robots will take care of all that.
The newly established Edu-Childcare Authority assures parents that The Economy Needs Your Kids.
“I don’t want
to sell my kids to the Economy,” says one mother. A worrisome minority is
unaccountably hesitant in this regard.
“How will the taxpayer afford this cradle-to-illiteracy school system anyway?” asks the worrisome minority.
Officials are explaining to them that the kids themselves will be paying off
the deficit when they grow up. That’s why a compliant shoaling populace is best, given future circumstances.
Even resistant parents will be proud on the day their child graduates from Pre-School, when they will hear the address from the Early Childhood Education Leader:
"We are thrilled to welcome parents, grand/step-parents and other significant influencers to this celebration. Your five-year-olds have successfully graduated from the national Early Learning Program. They have had a wonderful first five years of life, transitioning seamlessly from the womb to our richly intersectional training environment.
You and your children may not have seen much of each other over the past five years, as they come and go from daycare and you come and go from work, meetings, Zoom calls, fitness regimes, therapy sessions and professional up-gradng. Seeing your kids up here on this stage, about to receive their Childcare Graduation Certificates, you might hardly recognize them. You might be amazed at how big they have grown, how many tattoos they have, how much longer or shorter their hair is, and how their eyes are still that deep colour that Grandma's were!
Maybe you have stayed in touch with your kids through the regular texts they have sent you (we encourage maintaining ties between students and family), so you know how many acronyms and emojis they have learned at Daycare!
They have learned to fit into a crowd and navigate time. That means they go online a lot, and rarely stray into time-wasting day-dreamy private introspection. Becoming fully absorbed into our inclusive and equitable shared learning environment is key to their social adjustment. They have had opportunities to play with blockchains, enjoy digital inclusivity games, and do anti-bias role playing.
They have practised performative allyship in non-racialized learning rooms, so you know they're prepared for primary school. It's hard to believe that that used to be the beginning of schooling, back in the unprogressive era of half-day kindergarten. Society has come a long way since children played in back yards and spent time at home for the first five unstructured years of their lives.
You will feel proud at the graduation which takes place today, and there is of course nothing competitive about this Awards Day: every child's the winner! Each child will take their place in the rainbow. So get out your phone camera, and in case some non-custodial parents aren't sure which child is theirs or what their pronouns are, please refer to the display of selfies projected onto the wall, with the name of each child shown (with pronoun preferences) under their head-shots."
