Because the 2022 Olympic Games cannot be safely held during a pandemic, officials are replacing them with olympian competitions already going on, world-wide. Events include the Vaccine Race (first prize to the drug company selling the most product), the Rat Race (winner is the country breeding the most rats for testing the products on), and the Race Race (winner is the country with the most "racialized" people).
The Race Race will be hotly contested and will end with the final Marginalization Marathon at which the nation with the most marginalized groups in its rainbow wins gold.
Tickets are selling out for the "Icy Insult Hurl", which includes events in Hurling Accusations and Hurling Epithets (with extra points for teams who know what an epithet is).
Well-attended will be the ever-popular Statue Toppling Competition, at which nations compete to see who can toss the most historic figures into a snowy ravine in the shortest length of time.
The Hundred-Thousand Meter Dash-Cam Ski Race will be won by the nation whose police surveillance goes the furthest the fastest. The Games will wind up with a Grand Intersectionality Finale, at which the audience will see who had "the most skin in the game" -- of the right colours.
The Arts won't be left out of this year's Winter Games. Dance-skating events will feature music by top bands -- The Reasonable Asks, The Fungible Tokenisms, and The Rage-Inducers.
Passes are purchasable only through the Smart Olympic Passport App. Or, you could give the whole thing a pass, and enjoy a winter hibernation.
There's a nap for that
