“Haven't we
progressed beyond that nature shit yet?” asked a high-rise building
security manager when a tree was spotted in the neighbourhood. It was
growing behind a nearby community association's daycare centre. “I
mean: nature? Birds? Seriously, in this day and age?”
“We live right
around the corner from it,” said one tenant of the high-rise, mouth
trembling, on the verge of tears. “Does it harbour disease? Bugs?
Poisonous songbirds?”
“And right beside
the daycare centre too,” added her companion, disgusted. “Right
in front of innocent urban kids. We don't pay high taxes to live in a
dense smart city for this. This
is dumb.”
City officials
couldn't say whether the tree was an overlooked survivor of
development or a new sapling unaccountably sprouting from dusty,
chemical-laced earth: no biology-trained staff who might have a
theory remain in the City's employ after recent staff changes.
“What I don't
understand,” said one City Councillor, “is how this outlaw tree
escaped the surveillance cameras. As guardians of the public purse we
need to hold the surveillance service-provider accountable. We love
pavement here, but we won't allow anyone to pave over cracks in
official transparency and accountability. The next thing we know,
freedom will replace bureaucracy and leaves will be falling in
gutters. They'll land on top of safely-injected homeless people just
lying in their sleeping bags, minding their own business.”
Police suspect that
Someone might be extracting Something from the bark of the tree in an
archaic process once used by illegal substance labs. The Mayor
promises to acquire Bark Recognition Cameras for the city. Volunteers
from the “Leave Leaves Out” campaign applaud this announcement.
“We'll never go Back-To-Bark in this town,” they assure the Urban
Purist Support Group.
